Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
