Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
