So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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