I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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