my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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