The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
