Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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