sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
