It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We named our party play list daddy issues
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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