community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
