So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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