i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
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i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
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my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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