someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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