she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
