mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
