Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
