Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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