Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
