My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
