I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
