I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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