I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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