so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
be right there i have to get my cape
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
