What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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