I'm going to jail i love you
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
