I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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