I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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