Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
