i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
COCAINE IS GR8
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
