I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
