First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
