I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
