I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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