I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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