Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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