Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
