so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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