Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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