I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
