her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
