I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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