Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
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LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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