I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Randomize
