Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
