DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
