Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
