Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
