The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Floor bacon is actually really good
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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