So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
