Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
