He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
