better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
