Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
