a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
