i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
