I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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