got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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