Need sex. Gaining weight.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
