You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
