she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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