Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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