i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
