i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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