she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
