like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
