I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize