$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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