Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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