Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
