I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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