why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
