I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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