while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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