Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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