Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
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You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
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I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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