peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
