I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
