hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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