you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
