I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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