In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
