I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
