I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
