I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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