peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
