you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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