Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
