she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
